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Posts tagged with #Inspiration

Do you have embarrassing hobbies?

My sons,

Hobbies are supposed to be embarrassing. In this day and age where everything is supposed to be productive and well-polished, hobbies are explicitly not. They don’t further our careers, they have no future payout, they aren’t things we post about on LinkedIn. The reason we have hobbies is for the hobbies themselves, and as a result the world inadvertently looks down on them, which in turn causes us to be occasionally embarrassed about our hobbies - this is totally okay! This likely means we’re doing something that the world thinks is non-sensical, which usually indicates that we’re doing it because we love it.

In a world that is obsessed with forward progress, that preprograms us all to constantly strive for success, and that is becoming ever more impatient with delays each day, hobbies are counter-cultural. Think about the last few social interactions you’ve had, especially with new people that you’ve just met. Chances are, you talked about work (potentially at length!). Potentially you made some idle chatter about the weather, and if you’ve got kids, you probably talked about them and all the craziness that goes along with being a parent. Maybe you talked about the latest world events, latest technological advancements, or latest crazy policies to come out of our government.

If hobbies were mentioned and discussed, you were probably met with polite smiles and gentle nods, with eyes that seemed to say “oh what a quaint little hobby you have there - that explains why you’re not as successful/accomplished/[insert your choice of success metric here] as you could be!”.

Unfortunately, that is a huge misunderstanding of the value of hobbies, and of the potential that having great hobbies unlocks in one’s life!

Why we have hobbies

Growing up in a western society taught me to live life for tomorrow. From an early age it was imprinted on me that we do what we do today so that tomorrow will be better. Get good grades in high school so that you can get into a good university. Learn a lot in university so that you can get a great internship that will lead to a full time job opportunity. Do well in your job so that you can climb the corporate ladder and have a great life. It seemed like everything was done expressly for something else in the future. Even volunteering was done so that it would look good on your college applications.

That type of mindset misses the point altogether.

The justification for writing is the act of writing. Not some external benefit, not some reward or glory, but the pure beautiful act of writing itself. The reason we sing is simply to sing, to revel in its singular beauty. The reason for doing something ought to be the thing itself!

I read once that it is quite possible that this is the imprint of God. That there is beauty in the thing itself, without justification, without recognition, but simply because it is.

I love that.

Hobbies are important

We have hobbies simply for the sake of the hobby itself, for our interest in it, and for the joy it sparks in us. And as much as our hyper-growth-focused society tries to tell us, they are important.

In his New York Times best selling book ~Range~, Peter Epstein masterfully argues that our belief in specialization at an individual life level is misguided. Stories like that of Tiger Woods, debatable GOAT of the game whose father handed him a golf club at age 2 and who hasn’t stopped winning in the game since are inspiring and are distinctively noteworthy. However, folks like Tiger who have done one and only one thing their entire lives are the exceptions and not the rule.

The vast majority of the hyper successful have had a range of experiences which they’ve drawn from, many of whom owe their successes to the exposure, experience, and wisdom they gained in those arenas. Whether it is experiencing different companies, industries, or even just different bosses, the successful among us are the ones that have learned to harness the range of their experiences - both consciously and subconsciously - to their advantage. As Epstein explains in his book, the subconscious mind makes connections from realms of thought and experience that our conscious minds can’t draw any connection between and in fact may find ludicrous. Accounting theory being used to solve chemistry problems in molecule constitution. Hospital administration strategies used to solve computer science problems in concurrency.

The neural pathways that our subconscious mind creates between our various experiences lead to conscious discoveries and realizations that would never have been possible without. And hobbies are exactly that - a range of experiences that are typically different enough from our chosen professions that they opens up pathways to many patterns and strategies that we would otherwise not have access to.

A simple activity is to look at those around you that you consider successful, and ask about their hobbies. I guarantee you they’ve got a bunch, and if you show enough genuine interest, they may even share with you the would-be embarrassing ones to boot!

Hobbies make us interesting

Last but not least, hobbies simply make us interesting. Have you ever been stuck across the table from someone who has nothing apparent to bring to the conversation except for idle chatter about celebrity gossip, surface level understanding of and uninformed opinions of current events, and a mild penchant for talking about themselves in a thoroughly uninteresting fashion?

I have, and it was painful.

And as a result, I never want to be that person for someone else. Not only do hobbies make us interesting because they give us something to talk about, but because there is no pride in them, no excellence or worldly gain associated with them, they allow us to break down barriers, vulnerably put ourselves out there, and spark fun and creative conversations. They give us a natural avenue to have fun, to not take ourselves so lightly, and to invite questions and dialog with others.

And so my boys, my prayer for you is for you to have rich and full lives, filled with much joy, great connection, and loads of hobbies and interests so that you can not only be successful in the world, but can experience it to the full!

Think big

My sons,

When you get to a certain age, it becomes quite common for most people to have fairly well-formed (and often strong) opinions on the passage of time. Some hate it, perpetually longing for a return to the glory days, a time long past where things were undoubtedly better. People in this camp tend to live for and live in the past, often keeping trophies of a time gone by, memories of a time when they were at their prime. They run around romanticizing the past, of simpler times, of more prosperous times. You’ll recognize them by their speech, their rhetoric - “I can’t believe I’m another year older!”, “where has the time gone?”, “things were so much better back then”, or even, “we need to make things great again”.

And then there’s the other camp. The camp that believes that the best is yet to come, that tomorrow will be better than today, that values all the phases and experiences that life has to offer. These people are marked by their forward-facing demeanor. They are characterized by their unwavering focus on the future, their can-do attitude, their creativity, and their desire for progress. These people run around painting grand and lofty pictures of what the future ought to look like, and in fact could look like if we worked together to reach for it.

Incidentally, there is in fact a third camp; a doomsday camp that believes the past was terrible, but that the future will be worse, so you should only live for the present. This camp is much less interesting, so we won’t bother with them.

The thing with our two groups of interest is that they both desire for the future to be great. However, their focus and approach is entirely different.

Romantic reminiscers

Those who find solace in the embrace of the past tend to resonate strongly with the concept of romantic reminiscing, and often have a strong sense of nostalgia. This cognitive bias embellishes their memories, leading them to think that the past was objectively great, when really what they’re actually tapping into is the feeling of novelty and of greatness in their own past experiences.

One of my favorite shows as a kid was Saved by the Bell. I was absolutely in love with Tiffany Thiessen, and I spent many a daydream wishing that my adolescent experience was more like Bayside, and that someone so perfect as Kelly would wander into my life. Years later after I had graduated from College and the show had been long since done, my brother and I saw the DVD collection on sale at Fry’s, so we picked it up and brought it home.

It. Was. Terrible.

Like, really bad. The acting was quite rough, the lines were cheesy, the costumes were comical at best… Really, the only thing that still held up was Tiffany Thiessen. (Incidentally, I also loved her performance as Elle in White Collar). Needless to say, after watching one or two episodes, we promptly put the DVDs away and never pulled them out again.

We all do this though, don’t we? We reminisce about the past - and rightly so! Those of us that were fortunate enough to grow up in safe, loving, and supportive homes that allowed us to blossom into the beautiful humans that we are now are truly blessed to have had those experiences, and it is a good thing to look back on them fondly. But that’s where it should stop - at beautiful reminiscing.

Unfortunately, maybe people stay in the past and have a hard time embracing the present as it is. They have an even harder time seeing the unknowns and uncertainty of the future. This fear of change - or as psychologists call it, “loss aversion” - is a fear that must be conquered, not a philosophy for enacting a return to bygone days.

Life moves on, and so must we.

Having faith for the future

Those who steadfastly look towards the future with unwavering optimism on the other hand, tend to possess a strong sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence. They expect positive outcomes and believe that the future holds greater promise, which in turn fuels their proactive approach to life. This in turn fosters the belief in their ability to shape their own destinies, and to overcome obstacles along the way.

This resilience, this ability to look to the long term, this faith that we have not crested the peak of human experience brings us several strong benefits.

1. We don’t sweat the small stuff. When we have the mindset that tomorrow will be better than today, the small stuff that happens today is taken in context of a greater tomorrow and is able to more readily roll off our backs without doing much damage.
2. We inspire and are inspired by others. When we focus on the promise of tomorrow, believing full well that we can make tomorrow better, we start to apply our not insignificant energies and resources toward that end. There is an innate desire in human nature to look upwards, to think big, to be inspired by grand and lofty visions. Since the dawn of the age mankind has looked to the heavens for inspiration, and has looked to individuals who seem to have a vision of what that heaven could be like.
3. We are healthier. Believing in a better future means believing that future can come for us, and as a result we are much more likely to engage in health-promoting activities. We exercise more. We eat better. We prioritize our well-being, physically, emotionally, and mentally. We live longer because we believe we have more to live for!

Bringing others along

When we think of inspiring people, people who can rally a crowd, can move a city, can change a nation, people who can truly think big, we notice a few things about them.

First, they recognize that one camp is better than another. In fact, they don’t even see the camps as being at odds with one another. They understand that we are all different, and that’s okay! Their goal isn’t to find like minded people and isolate themselves from other-minded ones; rather, their goal is to understand one another, to see each other’s perspectives, and to have open and honest dialogue together.

Second, they know that in the deepest recesses of our hearts we all long for this world to be better. Whether our circumstances have caused us to be jaded or not is another matter altogether. Thinking big means that regardless of whether one is blessed with circumstances and experiences that have led them to see that the world can and will be better or if one has suffered much and can no longer see tomorrow as more than another opportunity for more pain, we unite, we inspire, and we bring each other along.

Lastly, they know that thinking big isn’t just about having vision. It isn’t just about having a grand and lofty idea that can change the world. It’s about taking the vision, sharing it with others, and letting it spread to others so that united we are better, and we can make our world better. Together.