Letters to my sons
A collection of thoughts and lessons I've learned along the way for my little men,
and anyone else that's interested.
My sons,
All of us have dreams. From a young age, we learned that the sky’s the limit for human ingenuity. We were told that we could be anything, do anything. But over time, those dreams start to fade, and our belief in our ability to achieve them (nay, whether we even deserve to achieve them) starts to fade. Most of us have lost sight of those adolescent dreams and have settled into the mediocrity that is adulthood. We are content in living the life that we’re supposed to live - a life that plods along slowly but surely, doing all the things that our culture tells us area part of a properly lived life.
Sounds pretty dull doesn’t it?
How do we snap out of that? How do we move back into a space where our lives are exciting, where we’re passionately running towards some big, lofty dream, and where inspiration comes and drives us to our limit and pushes us beyond where we ever thought we could go?
The answer is simple, and comes in the form of all sorts of cliches. Take your pick of them:
- Less is more
- Gotta take two steps back in order to set up three steps forward
- It’s not quantity, it’s quality
The truth of the matter is, our lives are so jam packed full of stuff, filled with noise, and overflowing with the seemingly urgent that we have no margin, no time, no mental space to allow ourselves to listen. It has been said that inspiration is very polite. She knocks softly and then goes away if we don’t answer the door. She does not force her way in, does not make a big fuss, does not cause a scene.
We cannot shove inspiration down someone’s throat. We knock softly, and if they’re not ready to answer, that’s okay, we can come back some other time. Similarly, we cannot be inspired if we are not paying attention to the knocking on our own doors. If we are too caught up in ourselves, too focused on our own worlds, or have too much noise drowning our ears, we will miss the gentle whisper that inspires and elevates.
If we want to hear the gentle whisper of inspiration we must first learn to listen, and to have the margin and mental space for her.
Learning to listen
An unfortunate reality of our modern world is that we are driven by noise. We praise great orators, admire the outspoken leaders, and aspire ourselves to have that type of impact. As a result, we focus much of our learning and our development on how to speak, how to convey an idea, and how to be heard.
But we don’t spend time learning to listen.
Active listening is a skill just like any other - it can be learned, can be practiced, and can be improved upon. It has nuances like every other skill does. It has its masters and its novices. Some are born with more of it, some with less. And like every other skill, where we start doesn’t matter. We can all learn to actively listen so that we are more attuned to what is going on around us.
Creating space
One of my most cherished habits is my nightly thinking and processing time. I use a modified version of Zettelkasten to support my growth and learning, and one of the disciplines I’ve picked up from it is creating space every night to process my thoughts from the day and to synthesize my notes into my own system. This process requires me to first sit and clear the thoughts in my head and then to pick up each thought that I’ve recorded throughout the day and to consider it, process it, and synthesize it into a long form paragraph or two.
Which system you use is less important. What matters is that you have a system, and you have a method by which you nurture and care for your thought life. The daily nurturing of your mind allows you to create space to listen, to be attuned to your surroundings, and to see where your thoughts lead you. This is gonna sound cheesy, but I’m going to say it anyway - your mind is like your sacred garden that needs to be tended to and taken care of. Cultivating a healthy and strong thought life will provide benefits to every other area of your life.
Cultivating our inputs
We must therefore be intentional about our inputs. Tending to the garden of our mind means we are thoughtful and careful about what we let into it. This should be an obvious one, and despite the fact that we’ve all definitely seen the effects of not guarding our minds well, most of us could use some improvement in the things we let in.
We’ve all done this and all have first hand experience with this. Remember that friend who was constantly negative and could (and would) complain about anything and everything under the sun? Prolonged periods hanging out with them probably made us more negative as well.
It works in the opposite too. When I was younger I had a great friend who was super passionate about technology and about the product that we were working together on at the time. We spent countless hours discussing the work we were passionate and excited about, and would even discuss some of the technical details of our work while on the chairlift at the slopes. It’s no surprise then that this period of my life was characterized by strong technical thinking and development, as well as a high amount of professional productivity.
I in turn was very much into motorcycles and would openly drool over the latest super sport bikes that were released each year. It’s also no surprise that my friend ended up getting a motorcycle as well.
Great inputs have the power to lift up a life, to change our mind, and to enrich our thought processes and passions. Bad inputs have the power to pollute our mind, to destroy our sense of self, and to turn a once-productive mind into a destructive one.
The gentle whisper of inspiration
Inspiration comes in many forms, and may sound different to different people. She may take different approaches, may speak through different people and events, and may look different each time she tries to visit us. She may speak to us through listening to a stranger’s story on the plane, or through the sight of a bird soaring high with “god rays” bursting through the clouds. She may nudge us when we’re dozing off watching the trees roll by on our commute, or may give us a glimpse of something greater as we’re playing with our kids.
One thing is certain though - she always whispers.
There is no sure fire way to guarantee that we will hear her every time. But if create space, if we spend the time to be mindful and attentive, if we learn to follow the little inklings that begin like whispers in the wind of our minds, then we may learn to distinguish her voice and pay more attention when she speaks. But we’ve got to be ready to listen to what she says! Remember that there is no confirmation bias for inspiration. She may often say things that make us think twice - that is a good thing! An inspired life is an elevated one, and we can surely use more of those in our world!