Letters to my sons
A collection of thoughts and lessons I've learned along the way for my little men,
and anyone else that's interested.
My sons,
Hobbies are supposed to be embarrassing. In this day and age where everything is supposed to be productive and well-polished, hobbies are explicitly not. They don’t further our careers, they have no future payout, they aren’t things we post about on LinkedIn. The reason we have hobbies is for the hobbies themselves, and as a result the world inadvertently looks down on them, which in turn causes us to be occasionally embarrassed about our hobbies - this is totally okay! This likely means we’re doing something that the world thinks is non-sensical, which usually indicates that we’re doing it because we love it.
In a world that is obsessed with forward progress, that preprograms us all to constantly strive for success, and that is becoming ever more impatient with delays each day, hobbies are counter-cultural. Think about the last few social interactions you’ve had, especially with new people that you’ve just met. Chances are, you talked about work (potentially at length!). Potentially you made some idle chatter about the weather, and if you’ve got kids, you probably talked about them and all the craziness that goes along with being a parent. Maybe you talked about the latest world events, latest technological advancements, or latest crazy policies to come out of our government.
If hobbies were mentioned and discussed, you were probably met with polite smiles and gentle nods, with eyes that seemed to say “oh what a quaint little hobby you have there - that explains why you’re not as successful/accomplished/[insert your choice of success metric here] as you could be!”.
Unfortunately, that is a huge misunderstanding of the value of hobbies, and of the potential that having great hobbies unlocks in one’s life!
Why we have hobbies
Growing up in a western society taught me to live life for tomorrow. From an early age it was imprinted on me that we do what we do today so that tomorrow will be better. Get good grades in high school so that you can get into a good university. Learn a lot in university so that you can get a great internship that will lead to a full time job opportunity. Do well in your job so that you can climb the corporate ladder and have a great life. It seemed like everything was done expressly for something else in the future. Even volunteering was done so that it would look good on your college applications.
That type of mindset misses the point altogether.
The justification for writing is the act of writing. Not some external benefit, not some reward or glory, but the pure beautiful act of writing itself. The reason we sing is simply to sing, to revel in its singular beauty. The reason for doing something ought to be the thing itself!
I read once that it is quite possible that this is the imprint of God. That there is beauty in the thing itself, without justification, without recognition, but simply because it is.
I love that.
Hobbies are important
We have hobbies simply for the sake of the hobby itself, for our interest in it, and for the joy it sparks in us. And as much as our hyper-growth-focused society tries to tell us, they are important.
In his New York Times best selling book ~Range~, Peter Epstein masterfully argues that our belief in specialization at an individual life level is misguided. Stories like that of Tiger Woods, debatable GOAT of the game whose father handed him a golf club at age 2 and who hasn’t stopped winning in the game since are inspiring and are distinctively noteworthy. However, folks like Tiger who have done one and only one thing their entire lives are the exceptions and not the rule.
The vast majority of the hyper successful have had a range of experiences which they’ve drawn from, many of whom owe their successes to the exposure, experience, and wisdom they gained in those arenas. Whether it is experiencing different companies, industries, or even just different bosses, the successful among us are the ones that have learned to harness the range of their experiences - both consciously and subconsciously - to their advantage. As Epstein explains in his book, the subconscious mind makes connections from realms of thought and experience that our conscious minds can’t draw any connection between and in fact may find ludicrous. Accounting theory being used to solve chemistry problems in molecule constitution. Hospital administration strategies used to solve computer science problems in concurrency.
The neural pathways that our subconscious mind creates between our various experiences lead to conscious discoveries and realizations that would never have been possible without. And hobbies are exactly that - a range of experiences that are typically different enough from our chosen professions that they opens up pathways to many patterns and strategies that we would otherwise not have access to.
A simple activity is to look at those around you that you consider successful, and ask about their hobbies. I guarantee you they’ve got a bunch, and if you show enough genuine interest, they may even share with you the would-be embarrassing ones to boot!
Hobbies make us interesting
Last but not least, hobbies simply make us interesting. Have you ever been stuck across the table from someone who has nothing apparent to bring to the conversation except for idle chatter about celebrity gossip, surface level understanding of and uninformed opinions of current events, and a mild penchant for talking about themselves in a thoroughly uninteresting fashion?
I have, and it was painful.
And as a result, I never want to be that person for someone else. Not only do hobbies make us interesting because they give us something to talk about, but because there is no pride in them, no excellence or worldly gain associated with them, they allow us to break down barriers, vulnerably put ourselves out there, and spark fun and creative conversations. They give us a natural avenue to have fun, to not take ourselves so lightly, and to invite questions and dialog with others.
And so my boys, my prayer for you is for you to have rich and full lives, filled with much joy, great connection, and loads of hobbies and interests so that you can not only be successful in the world, but can experience it to the full!